A taste of ( Real) life...

As it stands...i'm just a few hours away from my first teaching experience at a school. Perhaps it's just the jitter bug doing its round....my stomach was feeling all queasy and uneasy the whole day...really wonder what it will be like.....i'm just hoping everything goes smoothly and with no hic-cups whatsoever....

Anyway...I'm presently partially sun burnt from....read this.....swimming. I've been told countless times I've really rather fair complexion...all right perhaps it may be an understatement...but anyway...I never did spot a tanned or bronzed look that seems to be the ideal look most people desire even whilst I was serving in NS....getting the odd look of disbelief and skepticism from acquaintance when informed of my NS status were a common sight....

Angry and menacing patches of red define the before and after look from my chest up....guess that's the price one pays for talking crap and just soaking in the waters instead of fulfilling the initial objective...to get some exercise and obliverate the seemingly increasing amount of flab that hangs from our unglamourous outlook...

Just imagine...three guys stopping to chat after swimming a lap each in between large chunks of intervals...whilst the other swimmers around continue swimming away....training their stamina...guess that's the guilty me speaking...haiz...least I got a tan...albeit somewhat with mixed consequences than what I had hoped....

Well...the holidays are just about to draw to a close....I'm just hoping I can add more meaning into my time...as always.

Lost Moments

Life is always unpredictable...

Just attended my army pal's father funeral on friday. Despite appearing rather subdued, at least I'm glad to see my friend had seemingly accepted the loss.

It just makes one to want to cherish his loved ones more before it is lost.

Regrets befall onto those who chose not to cherish and treasure the gifts and love bestowed upon one.

Chasing Shadows

There's the old saying, "when life throws you a lemon, you make lemonade'.
As much optimistic my outlook of life seemingly appears to be, I cannot possibly deny that innate gnawing presence of pessimism residing deep within me. Perhaps it is that almost habitual practice of constantly being that "almost" person...the guy who promised so much but always never able to achieve what is really expected of him.

The guy who tackled for the ball only to lose it moments later in a soccer match...
The guy who shadowed his opponent's every movement only to lose steam and fade into oblivion in a basketball game...
The guy who sprinted and lapped along the waters only to find his arms and feet bounded by cramps little moments from the starting blocks...
The guy who exceeded expectations in his first semester only to lose it all when everyone around him seem to finally place expectations on his shoulders....

I do not know if I am just someone deviod of the temperment to handle stressful situations or just simply being harsh on myself. It seems everything I do never goes according to plan...Murphy's Law perhaps...

That sense of unpleasurable guilt and immense frustration felt when a friend enquired how the results and grades went...but before any response was tendered...it seems that duely claims of me gettings As and distinctions are but a mere formality and that only my personal acknowledgement would suffice. I never did hold grudges for I understood the intention of it was constructed more as a joke than anyother inflammatory comment....guess I am just more angry with myself for not achieving what was expected of me. I just feel maybe I have let too many people in my life down one too many times...

Much as I try to ignore them...it seems I just cannot allow myself not to be judged by others...maybe I do regard much more of how other perceived of me than I had initially imagined. Superficial as can be...I am still a mortal susceptible to judgements...

A friend commented that I seem rather different from how I am in real life as compared to my voice in this blog...maybe I am.....but perhaps I am not afterall...it leaves to the perceptor to judge once again...

I thought I had finally found someone who understood me....then again...being the "almost" person I am...guess nothing works according to plan when you most need it to be...

Nevertheless....life goes on.