Dusting the cobwebs....and more

Have you ever felt helpless ?

I have.

Have you ever missed someone so dearly?

I am.

Things happen for a reason. Yet I feel there will always be a little voice in each of us that tells us what we should do and which path to choose. A choice that determines the exact meaning one would contrue as the reason for the corresponding consequences and effects. Some friends say I think too much. However, I feel I am merely expanding my thought process to encompass the other possible choices and alternatives that had been laid before me.

For the past couple of days, I had been vexed with emotions and wandering thoughts of giving up. Giving something up that for the first time in my life I had fought so strongly and believed so fervently in. Perhaps to passing wanderers to this blog, if ever there are, I am but a mere simpleton who pens his thoughts and grouses then proceeds to live on and continue his usual routines in life. However, to anyone who knew me, perhaps these grouses reveal beyond the superficiality of myself. This is me. It is a paradox. I tend to hide so much of myself in reality and yet choose to reveal so much of my inner thoughts here, a public channel that promises access to anybody-by accident or for mere curiosity.

I laugh at myself sometimes. The foolishness of my actions. Yet perhaps it seems this fool knows no bounds.

I have chosen to commit and it is a choice I will adhere to. I told myself I will not allow this little sanctary of space to be conflated with my reality. Yet, perhaps this post shall mark as an exception.

To anyone who is reading this, this is me. Being true to oneself is what defines myself as an individual. Changing per se does not represent me not being myself. Instead, changing for the sake of a specific and special reason is what that defines me for I would thus have a legitamate reason to indulge in the altered state. I change when I believe in something and yet this does not constitute as me not respecting my self and being contrary to the entire idea of " self".

Whatever the case, I still frevently hope that decisions could be reversed. New choices could be made. I hope I could be accepted as who I am and not who one would think I am.

My hope for a happy reunion still lingers. If only I can be accepted to be who I am. There are things I cannot change. For anything else, I will try and still be me.

But again, as always....


Life goes on.