Pasir Ris Tragedy-A Thought to be Remembered

It's been quite a while since I've blogged.
Am I losing interest?
Am I finding it more difficult to source out new inspirations/topics to ponder?
Am I losing that sensitivity towards the happenings around me?
I don't know.
Yet, somehow, it seems that this is still the place for me to seek solace in the mad-ness that had seemingly engulfed reality.
It's this place that I can ponder and realize my thoughts freely without judgement. Without caring if another person is going to contest the contents of my writings or run the rule over my poor grammar. Agreed. Poor grammar inhibits comprehension. Yet, excessive reference to grammar rules inhibits my freedom of expression. The sense of joy that fills up as I put each thought in my head into words. I think.

Anyway, perhaps the real motivation of me restarting the blog was an article in the newspapers about the Pasir Ris Tragedy where a teenage boy was hacked to death by a group with alleged gang-relations. I felt sorry for the boy and more so for his parents and love ones. A small matter such as a "staring" incident had escalated into the loss of lives. A degeneration of societal values?
Perhaps I was affected by this incident because it made me realize that I really should count my lucky stars over my growing up years. I had personally been caught in "staring" incidents....maybe out of ignorance for what it entails or gradually of defiance that signifies my resentfulness toward bullies?
It dawned on me that perhaps someday, I too ,will be greeted with indignant teenage faces through their staring glances. How will I react? How should I react?
To look away=to being fearful?
No. I disagree.
But then what should I do?
A question worth pondering.

As the boy's father mentioned at the end of the report "Let there be justice"
I hope so too.
For the sake of the boy's passing.
For the sake of his family's want for justice and accountability.
For the sake of this society's moral and values system.
For the sake of our future.

Rest in peace-Darren

Life goes on.

Fragility of life

Time passes us by ever so slowly , ever so sweet.
Time passes us by ever so swiftly, ever so bittersweet.

I should have been immersed in my work. Projects...datelines...tests.....but yet I choose to take a few minutes of my time to write this entry. For remembrance. For reminder to self. For advice to all.

Life is short. Treasure the gifts bestowed upon oneself. I told myself. No. I tell myself.

A friend of my dad had just passed away. I vaguely remember being acquintanced with him. He gave me a couple of lessons on maths...but more so about believing in God. Chatty and assured of himself he always seem to be. An acquintance he may be, but perhaps a lifelong lesson and reminder he had served to me. He passed away just after his beloved wife did. Immense grief or endless love. More likely, both.

Death is not to be trivialized. I dared not and shall not. Yet, it is of my own opinion to embrace and love all who one would treasure, especially in this seemingly short span of what we have come to denote as "life" when things could just changed within the instance of a second.

My deepest condolences to his loved ones and heartfelt wish that he would thus find eternal happiness and joy in the realms of paradise.

Goodbye Uncle Jo. A pleasure to have been acquaintances in the meeting of our lives.

Alas, to self, to all....


Life goes on.

Dusting the cobwebs....and more

Have you ever felt helpless ?

I have.

Have you ever missed someone so dearly?

I am.

Things happen for a reason. Yet I feel there will always be a little voice in each of us that tells us what we should do and which path to choose. A choice that determines the exact meaning one would contrue as the reason for the corresponding consequences and effects. Some friends say I think too much. However, I feel I am merely expanding my thought process to encompass the other possible choices and alternatives that had been laid before me.

For the past couple of days, I had been vexed with emotions and wandering thoughts of giving up. Giving something up that for the first time in my life I had fought so strongly and believed so fervently in. Perhaps to passing wanderers to this blog, if ever there are, I am but a mere simpleton who pens his thoughts and grouses then proceeds to live on and continue his usual routines in life. However, to anyone who knew me, perhaps these grouses reveal beyond the superficiality of myself. This is me. It is a paradox. I tend to hide so much of myself in reality and yet choose to reveal so much of my inner thoughts here, a public channel that promises access to anybody-by accident or for mere curiosity.

I laugh at myself sometimes. The foolishness of my actions. Yet perhaps it seems this fool knows no bounds.

I have chosen to commit and it is a choice I will adhere to. I told myself I will not allow this little sanctary of space to be conflated with my reality. Yet, perhaps this post shall mark as an exception.

To anyone who is reading this, this is me. Being true to oneself is what defines myself as an individual. Changing per se does not represent me not being myself. Instead, changing for the sake of a specific and special reason is what that defines me for I would thus have a legitamate reason to indulge in the altered state. I change when I believe in something and yet this does not constitute as me not respecting my self and being contrary to the entire idea of " self".

Whatever the case, I still frevently hope that decisions could be reversed. New choices could be made. I hope I could be accepted as who I am and not who one would think I am.

My hope for a happy reunion still lingers. If only I can be accepted to be who I am. There are things I cannot change. For anything else, I will try and still be me.

But again, as always....


Life goes on.

Wandering Thoughts

想你 -
beyond

I do not know why...but after listening to the song over the radio....it just kept lingering in my head refusing to go away....

wonder if it's something with the lyrics.....

or the face painted in my mind....

I wonder how many more keys I need to try on before I can unlock the mysteries.....hiaz....just hope I don't run out before it's due

Life goes on....

School and Results....an equation or an inequality ?

Education.....a pursuit of academia or a journey to find one's true self ?

After the release of this year's O-levels results...the usual clamouring of the brightest young minds adorn the front pages and hogged the limelight....yet this time....there was a certain passive pride swelling within me. Nope. I did not retook my O-levels...and even then...I would never be associated with being seen as the cream of crop or the top x% of the cohort. Instead, I felt immense pride that my alma mater produced 12 students(if I remember correctly from the papers) who scored at least 9A1s....a truly remarkable feat. Further....that special segment I caught on TV devoted on this extraordinary result certainly roused a bout of nostalgia as it interviewed and filmed from the very vicinity of the place I once spent 11 years of my school life in....though I must say much has changed as compared to how I remembered it to be. Perhaps it is indeed such moments that I feel wearing that little green shorts is not such a bad idea after all....

Academic results matter yet so is finding what one truly wants to do with his life. I would not say I am absolved of guilt in my academic pursuit....yet perhaps just as a note to those who tried and yet not meet their expectations....life goes beyond what one sees before him. I too shared that anguish and pain of failing...but I believed in the reasons for my failures....hopefully to treat it as a platform to spur oneself onto greater heights.

Life goes on....

Christmas Merry Making'08

A Gift to be Remembered (X'mas'08)

When I was still a kid...Christmas was about presents. Time passes and for the past couple of years...the day was spent with my family sans the presents. I hardly spent the day with friends...except for that very fateful day my choir mates and I went for dinner after our last caroling session.





Yet for the first time in ages....I felt being young again. This year...I spent my X'mas with my NIE friends and being immersed in the very joy of merry making once again. Though presents were not being deemed as important as in the past...the very gesture of giving and receiving one certainly completes my day. The presents per se were not important...though with exceptions....but rather the act of giving and sharing one's joy is what that matters now.





I really do appreciate all the goodwill and wishes of my friends. Presents need not be confined within the premises of a physical entity...a simple X'mas greeting could just be the bridge to share the joy.

Anyway....I was glad BK became my guide and showed me the way to Books Actually. I had always wanted to visit the place in person ever since I read about it in the papers a couple of years ago. A quint little bookstore that houses a collection of much interesting reads with a certain strong air of literary comfort. It is certainly a little haven for all bookish fanatics....especially if getting a X'mas present for one. Alike its location....I bought a little red notepad of sorts made of moleskin...i think. Though inconspicuous at first glance....there reside an unmistakable classy charm upon further inspection...handmade and limited in stock..or at least was what I was led to believe from the online description. It being the last red one also helped....haha

X'mas came and past.
I wonder what holds in store for me the new year ahead.

Ps: Hope Uncle Sam gets better soon.

Life goes on.

Reunion

Some believe that only through tough times would one be able to see who their friends are...some treasure friendships only when it is lost...

I believe in cherishing the present....

I finally met up again with my army pals and I finally got to watch Cape No. 7....though the plot was rather contrived...the music, humour and acting were nevertheless top notch. The song kept swirling in my head....a simple song to go with the simple mantra of being true to oneself. A tinge of simpleness and complexity encased within a song....probably it is just something I could identify with....

We had dinner at Timbre thereafter. Generous portions of food.....great music from the live band( "Goodfellas") but most importantly the sharing of the juiciest gossips amongst our social lives.

Some look at the past for comfort.
Some look at the future for hope.
I'm just happy that some had looked at the present and had found what they had always been looking for.

As a friend advised me on not losing hope......guess I never should.






And maybe more......


Life goes on.