Anguish Revisted.

Haunting Memories
As the door to my painful past slid opened once more,
a dark mist fills me with much guilt and unatoneable remorse.
Though how I yearn to start life anew,
my path seems destined to be paved with haunting memories and eternal regrets.

Society progresses...technologies advance.....people become more affluent, educated and thus more knownledgable...perceptions have changed....in all the human civilization has evolved and has come a long way since the days of the dark ages......yet through all these times....one great mystery survives the ordeal of time.....to fathom the meaning of "Life".

Anyway...to quote a famous saying...."Life is never a bed of roses"......how true these words are indeed. Sometimes the truth hurts more only when one sees it straight in the eye. Life is strewn with much trials and tribulations...yet what is essential is that how one picks himself up and carry on with his lifelong journey. Words I had used to comfort myself.....yet sometimes certain things just cannot be forgotten so easily...it just seems so difficult to pick up the shattered pieces.....

The GCE "A"-Levels results were released last week....some rejoice...some were expressionless....and there were bound to have some who shed tears of disappointment. Reading the extensive reports in the papers seemingly led me back to the year before when I was just amongst the crowd of jittery students awaiting for the moment that may alter the course of my future. I had obtained rather mediocre results at best....downright pathetic at worst. I am neither a perfectionist...nor a high-flying-overachieving-talented-all-rounded multi-hyphenated academically oriented student........just someone who tries too hard to be a somebody.

The traumatic experience took me many months to recover to my old self...though sad to say....I was never the same being many knew from the past. I was always angry with myself...upset over my own imperfectness. The release of the results this year only served to trigger off my most excruciating past.

I had always wanted to be a somebody...to be respected and looked up upon...but through the trying times of the aftermath of the disappointment....I had learnt to look past my failures and treat it as a lesson....albeit a very painful one...on the importance of having to eat the humble pie.
Life is unexpected...there are crests and troughs...hence maybe in order to ride the crests and enjoy the high points of life....one need to experience the lows of utter disappointments and anguish.

Though I had found the answers to comfort and console myself....the memory still remains. The bleak days of my bouts of depression are over...yet they are never forgotten. The pain lingers within me...yet I never surrender in my quest for answers and reasons. I beseech all who may have lost hope temporarily...alike me then...to not give up for faith can overcome all.Naive it may sound...nonetheless...it is still quite an effective way of overcoming one's troubles.

Trust yourself...Believe....have Faith.